Bits and Pieces
by Linstock
Summary: This is not a fic but a collection of unrelated snippets written in response to various challenges. They have all been previously published as comment fic.
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Man Bag.

Author: Linstock

Code: Spock/Uhura

Rating: G

Type: Humour

Warning: none.

Summary: Nyota and Spock discuss his … accessory.

Au: Written for Philotic-net to go with her pic. Extra credits to Spocklikescats my beta reader. This is more co-written that betaed...the good bits are hers.

The Man Bag.

Mid-morning, Uhura's favourite instructor walked with perfect posture in his near-glide beside her. But he was accoutered … differently from usual. No stack of flimsies under his arm, no small pile of Padds crooked in one elbow. No … instead these were held by a … Her eyes crinkled so tightly with her grin her vision temporarily dimmed.

"May I enquire what you find so amusing, Cadet?"

Uhura pursed her lips hard and tried not to smile. Spock stopped walking, folded his hands behind his back and raised a questioning eyebrow at her, tilting his head just so. That did it – she dissolved into a fit of giggles. Bewildered, he looked at her indulgently.

"It's your – your Manbag," she gasped after a long moment.

"I am unfamiliar with the term." He was still puzzled.

Gesturing at the item in question, she explained. "Your Manbag – the word's a play upon 'handbag.' It's a 'Manbag' – the fashion accessory of choice for the 21st Century 'metro-sexual' male." Nyota was trying hard not to laugh but Spock's confused expression was too much for her.

"I fail to see how a utilitarian item for carrying goods can impart information concerning the carrier's sexuality or social status. And I am also at a loss to understand the word … 'metrosexual.' "

"'Manbag' was a somewhat disparaging term used by females, who generally carried 'handbags' and thought them the exclusive province of women." Thinking and speaking this explanation was helping Nyota to stop grinning. "'Metro-sexual' was a word coined at that time and used by these women and by heterosexual males, who tended in those days to be very sloppy or 'casual' in their attire and bodily appearance, to describe a man so well-groomed, so well-dressed and so (they believed) lacking in manliness that he would bother to follow fashion and would carry such an accessory. In their contemporary phraseology, he … 'might as well be gay.'" She met Spock's eyes.

His face had that look that meant, "I am being patient but you have failed to explicate sufficiently."

"'Gay.' Homosexual. In those days the best-dressed, most nicely groomed men appealed greatly to females, but after conversation with and flirtation from women, were generally kind enough to disabuse them of the idea that they were receptive to feminine advances.

"In cities, where certain males were fairly sophisticated and often expected to dress in accordance with metropolitan formality, there were many exceptions to this 'rule.' These gentlemen had sometimes been coached by 'gay' men in grooming themselves and following current clothing fashions … thus the term 'metrosexual,' A play upon 'heterosexual' using the prefix for 'city' – "

"I see." In that tone which meant, he understood the explanation but not the illogical human behaviours therein described. He put one hand around the strap of his bag and began to … lecture, actually. Perhaps turnabout was fair play. She had lectured him, after all.

"This style of bag, with a practical shoulder strap passing diagonally over the chest and back, allowing use of both hands while securing its position on the body, is common on Vulcan. On Earth it was traditionally used to transport mail and other packages by persons such as Pony Express Riders, postal mail carriers and later, bicycle and motorcycle couriers. Many humans, however,attribute the origin of the modern 'messenger bag' to the utility linesman bag of the 1950s manufactured by the De Martini Globe Canvas Company. Other canvas utility bags were soon implemented; one type was used by members of Israel's Defence Forces."

She was now laughing so hard tears ran down her face. Perhaps it was because of the words and homophones "mail," "packages," and "bag" in conjuction with "use of hands," "position on the body" and "transport," which latter three terms might apply quite well to what Spock had done for her this morning, _transported_ her using _both [his] hands_, his lips, his tongue, and … in a certain _bodily position_. After which they had performed an action that involved his male '_package_.' With some pleasurable _forces_ involved.

"I do not understand why this is amusing." He almost sighed. He was being _so_ patient.

"Spock," Nyota said,audibly exhaling in an effort to regain her control, "I apologise for m-my reaction to your … accessory. I have behaved illogically." She marshalled control over her facial muscles but she knew her eyes were still laughing.

He turned then and they continued walking; his face wore that mask of impassive Vulcan dignity. Surely he could not help but notice her grin, which recurred every time she flicked her eyes toward him.

"I infer that you are recalling our time together this morning," he murmured eventually,

She couldn't help it; her next exhalation-to-control-herself turned into another explosion of giggles. Which she mastered … after a minute or two.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:**Woodstock.

**Author: **Linstock

**Code: **Gaila, Uhura

**Rating: **G

**Type: **Humour

**Warnings: **None.

**Summary: **Nyota shares some family history with Gaila.

**A/N: **Written for drabble challenge at bridge2sickbay. Featuring: Woodstock. Characters: Gaila, Uhura. Beta reader the incomperable Spocklikescats.

Woodstock.

"Tell me about "Woodstock,",sighed Gaila.

"Again? I've already told you three times, sweetie."

"But it sounds so wonderful…I wish I had been there."

With a tolerant smile, Uhura rolled her eyes; it was Gaila's favourite 'bedtime story'.

"During the 'Age of Aquarius', there was a three-day celebration of 'free love', life, music and peace."

"'Free love' …."

"That's right sweetie - no one owned anyone - everyone went to listen to 'rock' and 'folk' music and 'protest songs' and camp on the land together ... Each person chose what they did, and who they did it with, even sexually."

"If you didn't want to you didn't have to." Gaila sounded like a small child listening to a fairy tale.

"That's right; no one had to do anything they didn't want to. Except deal with rain and mud. But they were happy despite the weather, listening to their favourite music and performers, ingesting mind-altering substances, and 'communing'."

"How many people were there?"

" Five hundred thousand – I've told before – and I know you never forget numbers."

"I know, I just like to hear you say it." Gaila snuggled into her bed, looking over at her expectantly.

Nyota's voice took on the lilting tone of a storyteller as she started, "Long before First Contact, in August 1969, outside Bethel, New York, in the United States of America, a festival took place on a farm near the hamlet of White Lake. At home we still have old photographs my many times great- grandma took, and a holo adapted from a film …."


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Snack Time.

Author: Linstock

Code: Pike, Spock

Rating: G

Type: Humour

Warning: None.

Summary: Even Vulcans have snacks.

Au: Written for drabble challenge at bridge2sickbay. Featuring: cookies and milk, Characters: Pike and Spock.

Snack Time

"They are a high kilojoule, nutritious and palatable combination of oatmeal, wheat, eggs, oils, ground nuts and dried fruit. They are both portable and convenient. The nutritional value is increased by imbibing a high protein drink." The young Vulcan star fleet officer paused in mid-explanation.

Captain Pike, struggled to keep the smile of his face.

"All you have to say, Lieutenant Spock, is that you like cookies and milk at morning snack time."

As he turned away Pike could not suppress the grin.

Pike wiped his face clear of expression, looked back over his shoulder and said, "Oh and Lieutenant …you have a milk moustache."

Pike was chuckling as he left.

Spock's expression was priceless.


End file.
